Monday, April 16, 2012

Birthing Stories

One of my friends has the best story ever.  Like, a soap-worthy story that just doesn't happen to people in real life.  Here's the short version:
Two weeks ago, my friend's sister went into labor at 4:00 AM.  She woke up my friend, who we'll call Nancy (because that's her name) saying, "OHMYGODI'MGOINGINTOLABORANDNEEDYOUTODRIVEMETOTHEHOSPITALRIGHT NOW!" Nancy super quickly got out of bed, got light-headed and passed out.  After being shaken awake, she and her sister got into the car and drove to the hospital.
Along the way, her sister said "THISBABYISCOMINGRIGHTNOW,PULLOVER!" Nancy didn't believe her at first but before either of them could say Jiminy Cricket the baby was crowning and Nancy's sister was making scary labor noises.  Nancy pulled over, somehow maneuvered herself between her sister's legs, and helped deliver the child on the side of the road.  Not only did she play the starring role in one of the most bad-ass birthing stories of all time, she also sustained a super awesome black eye (which she unknowingly got when she passed out/face-planted onto her hardwood floor), and is still in the process of getting the baby juice out of her car's upholstery.  Nancy, you're the coolest!

The story, in its entirety, is amazing.  Last Saturday some of my lady friends got together and I took pictures of their reactions to this crazy/gross/awesome tale.  There's nothing like childbirth to get us squirming!  And yes, tequila shots were involved.

Candles, to set the tone. 
Tequila shots to lubricate the telling of the story.
Friends sitting at attention, ready to listen to all the gory details.
 The story-teller starts her tale...
And we start squirming! Baby juices are no joke, folks!  
Our beautiful hostess covers her mouth, unsure if she is going to laugh hysterically or projectile vomit. 
We hold ourselves (and our beers) tightly as the details ooze. 
Nancy tells us that she caught the baby like a football... all of us are terrified and suddenly feel as if we need to run to the nearest sink and wash our hands. 
Our pregnant friend doesn't know what to do... she pulls her shirt up and starts rubbing her belly for luck.  In her mind she prays to God that she delivers her babe in a normal place, ideally a hospital. 
Then the story is over and we all eat cupcakes, take our birth control pills, and drink more tequila.


p.s. Nancy's sister had a beautiful, healthy baby and Nancy's black eye is almost completely healed.

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